In light of the recent presidential debates, I couldn’t help but share my thoughts for all of us women out there…
So you’re probably wondering what the above title means…
For starters, I am in no way suggesting that you stop being a smart wife. What I am hinting at is something much bigger and greater:
After much thought, writing, brainstorming, more writing, and back and forth discussions with some of my brilliant marketing mentors (you know who you are), I have come to realize that what I am providing for you is at this point somewhat limited. You see, in order to be a smart wife, you have to be a smart woman. Think of the goal of building a strong house: in order to build a strong house, you better have a damn strong foundation, which is reliant on very specific elements such as proper soil, footing, proper grading, etc. Just as these essential “ingredients” effect the quality of a foundation, so do many pieces in the the goal of living as a strong and smart woman (hence becoming a smart wife). In essence, I want to help you Be the Smart Woman.
So…this means I will be offering you with tips and tricks on how to improve all areas of your life, because ultimately each one effects your marriage for better or worse. Also, my posts will not be limited to just wives, because whether you’re single, divorced, married, gay, etc., we all can use tips (yes, even I) on how to be a smarter woman in the world. That all said, I’ll be in “re-construction” mode over the next couple of months, so please forgive any redundancy or simplicity in the weekly posts as my energy will be focused more on greater changes for you, the readers. Oh and in case you’re wondering: the Be the Smart Wife name hasn’t changed………at least not yet. ;)
p.s. – Feel free to share with me any topics that you would like to read more about (ie: children/parenting, home tips, health, etc.) that will help you continue to be the smart wife…would love to hear from any of you!
…and honest ways ways to get to the root of the problem—and then back on track—together…
Check out this recent article at Prevention.com where I shared my two cents about some of these 12 reasons such as:
1) We drag eachother down
2) We always fight about the same silly things
3) We’re too sarcastic
Check out all 12 reasons HERE.
Look out for this month’s newsletter this weekend…and if you haven’t signed up yet for my newsletters SIGN UP HERE!
Yup, I’m finally back in a groove. Happy September to you all and let’s make a toast to everyone being back to school (my kids) and back to sanity (me).
For those of you who already subscribe to this blog, be on the look out for the latest September newsletter which will highlight all many of the changes you will start seeing here at Be the Smart Wife (and for those of you who haven’t subscribed yet, make sure to sign up here to get the full scoop).
Today’s post is (in my opinion) key for any person in a relationship, hence especially key to becoming a smart wife:
A wise woman (seriously…she exists) once told me: You can’t be scared in your marriage. If you’re scared in your marriage it will not work.
Hmmmm…I heard that and I thought: Well that actually makes a lot of sense…and then I thought of all the times I’ve projected my own displaced fears into my marriage such as:
- fear of being too direct
- fear of being too honest and hurting his feelings
- fear of asking for what I want or need
- fear of taking care of me vs. enabling him, etc., etc., etc…
Think about it…if you are truly an adult (with the exception of him chasing you down with an ax) why would you be scared of your partner?? Only a child can be scared of an adult. If you’re bringing the “child” into your marriage, then DUH: your marriage won’t work.
The moral of the story is…when your ancient fears spill into your marriage, know that you are tragically stuck in the past. If this at all resonates, then I beg of you to find a way to emotionally separate your past wounds from your present day life.
Be smart: put the child in the back seat and you in the driver’s seat.
As I become older (and older – thank you Target for always having quality skin care products on sale), I find that one of the key ways to becoming smarter at the home front is sometimes to just f*cking let go and not obsess about “getting it all done.”
That said, unlike the majority of this city, my children are not in school until September: one after Labor Day and the other not until September 10th (thank you temple pre-schools). So rather than kill myself to stay “on task” (not that I ever truly am) I have decided to surrender to the tide and enjoy the last days of summer with my family. Hence, I am taking a 3 week hiatus from writing any posts and giving into the tide.
So if you feel that you’re headed down the path of turning into a nagging, lunatic, frantic bitch at home because you’re not being realistic about what is doable vs. not doable, then pause and just stop fighting the tide………….that my friend, will make you smart.
Have a great Labor Day and I’ll meet you all back here mid September…
Even though he may not talk to you about them, your husband has fears too.
(Come on…he’s human like you)
A possible few:
1. “I don’t make enough money.”
2. “I’m about to lose my job.”
3. “My wife isn’t sexually satisfied.”
Hmmmm…want to read in detail about the above as well as the remaining possible 6 fears?
Then check out this recent article from Women’s Day by one of my favorite fabulous writers, Ms. Jenna Birch, who interviewed yours truly about some of these common fears in your man.
Check it out: 9 Fears Your Husband Won’t Share with You
Wanna get smart?
Then get your body moving!
See below picture…
I rest my case.
For more information on the benefits of exercise on your brain, see this past post of mine:
Most couples connect one of two ways…one way is the right way and one way is the wrong way. Which one are you doing?
Watch today’s video to find out:
It amazes me how hyper focused parents are (as they should be) on helping their children to become respectful, compassionate, and responsible people in the world, yet the adults don’t seem to be as hyper focused on their actions. That said, let’s look at 10 common lessons that (more or less) society teaches children, because your marriage will definitely benefit from these:
1. Say please and thank you – Yes…two of the most simple ways to show your appreciation toward someone. If you’re like me, you probably pound this into your kid every day but do you consistently show this kind of simple appreciation to your spouse?
2. Get to bed early – When a child doesn’t get enough sleep he or she becomes moody, whiny and may act completely out of control. That said, how do you think you are with your husband when you don’t get enough sleep? Get it??? It’s not rocket science here people…please get your sleep.
3. Use your words – When a kid hits because he’s angry or scared we call that “acting out your feelings.” The same thing applies when you start slamming the kitchen cabinets out of anger to get your husband’s attention. Yes my friend, it’s called being passive aggressive. Cut the crap and use your words.
4. Embrace people’s differences – When children are not threatened by people and situations that are different, he or she is able experience the world and relationships in a much healthier way. The same in your marriage: the more you are able to embrace your spouse’s differences, the more connective and satisfying your relationship will be.
5. The value of repair – Children tend to be black or white. Every now and then I hear a child say: I’m mad at him, so he’s not my friend anymore!! One of the most valuable lessons to teach a child is that people, friendships, relationships are flawed. People make mistakes and just because the actions of someone you love caused you to feel sad, mad, or greatly disappointed doesn’t mean that you just toss the relationship. This is key for your marriage: You will have many times where you feel sad, mad, disappointed beyond, etc. toward your husband but you need to learn to repair. Ruptures are a part of any relationship and unless you want to have a lonely marriage, then you must be willing to mend the rupture. Walking away from a rupture and avoiding it at all costs leaves you empty, but you can only gain when you focus on repairing.
6. Don’t just say you’re sorry…show it – I cringe when I see a child give an empty apology and sound like a careless robot. Yes…you too sound like a f*cking robot every time you say to your husband: Ohhhh…I did that? Well, I’m sorry. Uhhh…do you even know why you’re sorry?? Just as you teach your child to have compassion and show empathy, so should you. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and convey to him that you understand how your actions have affected him.
7. Don’t spend all day watching TV and/or playing video games – Kids today have a higher rate more than ever of obesity, depression, and anxiety. They are overstimulated and constantly seduced by today’s gadgets, computers, phones, videos, etc. which keep them from being outside and active and from actually spending quality one on one time with friends, family, etc. So make sure that you also monitor how much time you spend on Facebook, your blackberry or the iPhone thus creating a boundary between you and your husband from having any connective time.
8. Take turns – Just as you teach a child the concept of compromising, meeting in the middle, etc. the same goes for you in your marriage. If you want a healthy marriage you have to accept that it’s not always going to be about you and your needs 100% of the time.
9. Be kind with your words – Yup. Words can hurt not only in the playground but also in your marriage. Think before you talk.
10. Take responsibility for your actions – Honestly, this is the current lesson I am trying to shove down my 6 year old’s throat these days because if he doesn’t start learning how to be mindful of his actions sooner than later, lord only knows how he’ll be as a grown man in a relationship. In a marriage, everyone plays a part…everyone. So be smart and own your sh*t.
* Ladies: for any of you who have recently contacted me with questions/requests please check out my recent note with the new changes starting to happen here on the site! CLICK HERE
I have a specific way (separate from the vodka) in which I cope with my frustrations in life:
When your relationship, life, etc. viciously tests your coping abilities to no end and you feel like you’re about to “throw the baby out with the bath water,” turn your emotions into a shocking joke that will make you laugh out loud.
Here’s how laughter will help you to feel healthier:
- Laughter dissipates distressing emotions. You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing.
- Laughter helps you relax and reboot. It decreases stress and increases energy, helping you to remain focused and accomplish more.
- Humor shifts perspective. It helps one to see situations in a more realistic, less threatening light. A humorous perspective creates the distance needed to avoid feeling overwhelmed with your emotions.
Obviously, everyone has their own sense of humor and ways in which they bring laughter into their lives. That said, (and those close to me can vouch for this) I revel in humor that is witty, yet shocking, blasphemous and laughs at the ridiculousness in our lives. Hearing a joke that puts in boldface the words that no one is saying but really thinking is like music to my ears. So for those of you whose sense of humor is aligned with mine, I thought I’d share with you some of my recent “finds” that made me LOL. Please note: no gender or person is meant to be degraded in the below pictures…they are posted here love and ridiculous comedy. Enjoy.
Voila…and whether you found this funny or not, be smart and make sure something in your life is making you laugh.