During a visit last week to our local bookstore I was stopped by a moment or irony and humor:  I was looking  for a specific book (different than the ones above ’cause I already own both).  Suddenly, I noticed the above stack of books on one of the shelves and thought to myself, “DUH…of course there’s only ONE of The Male Brain books left” while the stack of The Female Brain looked as if the “audience” it was written for had no interest in purchasing it…

It was the ultimate Kodak moment and within seconds I whipped out my phone to take the above picture for you all to not only see, but to make peace with:

Ladies, your man does not think like you nor like any of your friends with a vagina.  Most men are just not as hungry as we women are to know the why, the how, the who and any other crumb of an answer to explain to us why the world ticks the way it does.  If sometimes you find yourself feeling annoyed and frustrated by his disinterest in certain things (compared to you), take solace in the fact that he’ll probably never be as complicated as you or your girlfriends and that can actually be very refreshing at times.

However, know that just because he’s not running to buy The Female Brain as quickly as you sprinted to buy, read and tell all of your girlfriends about The Male Brain, that that bears no meaning on his committment to you and the relationship.  Sometimes, men just respond to the world differently than we do and visa-verse.

So for the sake of you and your marriage, be smart and just accept what I have shared here with you all today.

Come back next Tuesday for more smart marriage tips!

Over the years I’ve been troubled by how many women I know both personally and professionally who consistently seek (and pay A LOT of money for) the advice of psychics.  I call this Psychic Addiction.  When the going gets tough in a woman’s love life or marriage, instead of being able to trust that she will be okay and that she’ll survive the hard times, instead she seeks a psychic to feed her a magic pill of hope.  She is a woman who has never learned to trust herself.

Ladies…psychic addiction is a true dilemma and is the furthest thing from smart.  If you are caught in the psychic addiction web or even tend to “dab” here and there, then please watch this Your Tango video which will hopefully shed a different light:

Be on the look out  for our Valentine’s Giveaway/Contest over the next few days!

One of the most KEY ingredients to having a satisfying marriage just might be at your fingertips so watch the video below and then after, make sure you read the article below the video:

So now that you’ve watched the video, read the following article http://www.women.com/reinventing-yourself/ and let me know what you think!

There’s an old saying:  Ignorance is bliss.

Hmmmm…

Well, when it comes to your marriage…not so much. It’s more like:  Ignornace is piss.

(Sorry for the potty humor – - clearly I’m around 6 year old boys too much.)

Let’s face it ladies:  not being aware of what’s not working in your marriage is a recipe for a disaster.  So coming off the heels of Tuesday’s post about how your past can effect your confidence within your marriage, I decided to share another of my Your Tango videos about how your unawareness of old unhealthy relationships can effect not only the kind of partner you choose, but how you choose to be in the relationship.

So to all my divorcee ladies out there, if you’re worried about making similar choices the second time around, have no fear and watch today’s video for some good tips:

Over the years I have seen countless women both professionally and personally who without being aware, slip into an insecure, child-like place in their marriage, lacking any confidence to just be themselves.  This can happen to any woman for many different reasons.  However, I have seen many wives who, because they have never worked through their own child hood inferiority complex, have now  unconsciously displaced childhood feelings into their marriage.

Ladies, let me tell you right now that this is a dangerous and unsafe place for ANY of your to be.  Think about it: would ANY person in a marriage be safe if a child was the one making all sorts of emotional decisions in the marriage?  The answer is simple:  Disaster beyond comprehension.

So..if you’re one of those women who feels like an adult in every other place in your life (ie: work -place, parenting, friends, etc.) except in your marriage, here are 5 steps to help you find and hold onto the adult (you) in your marriage:

1. Name what your current fear based feelings are in your marriage – Examples: Do you feel fear when your husband makes a critical remark toward you?  Do you feel flooded with anger when your husband walks away from you in the middle of a conversation?
2. Connect the fear based feeling to the past – Is your fear based reaction to your husband’s vocal criticism reminiscent of your father criticizing your behavior at 8 years old? Is the anger you feel when your husband walks away from you in mid-sentence a jarring reminder of your mother walking away from you at age 6 while you were in tears out of sheer frustration?
3. Send it back to where it belongs (out of your marriage!) – Once you are able to connect the dots, take a moment alone to visualize yourself boxing that feeling and sending it away back into your past where it belongs.   Close the door to that past memory, throw away the key and walk away.
4. 4. Visualize examples of where/when you feel confident today – Think of moments in the present where you feel like a confident adult who trusts herself with the highest esteem:  with close friends, at the work place, as a parent with your children, etc.  Get very specific with the example you choose and literally visualize how confident you feel in that space.
5. Place the visual into the present. Own it. – With your new visual, place it now in the present: in your marriage.  Embody that confident adult no matter what you feel comes your way in your relationship.

Obviously, sharing these 5 steps with you is pretty simple…executing them is the challenge.  However, with time, practice, and trust in your abilities, I know that you can achieve all 5 steps if you are willing push through the process.  In time, the feelings of your past will become less and how you react in your marriage will no longer be weighed down by your anxiety from the past.

Happy New Year to you all!!!  Now let’s cut to the chase:

Just because I write and create these videos about how to be smarter in your marriage doesn’t mean that I’m always perfect (hardly, and if anyone tells you that they are, ask them what he or she is smoking).  I’m a work in progress just like the rest of you and to prove it I’d like to share with you my Top 10 “Wife” Resolutions for 2012:

1. Listen better –  This means that when my husband is talking to me, I’m practicing setting aside my own ego driven thoughts, feelings, mental rants so that I can give myself the chance to actually understand him (imagine that, right??).  And yes, he may not be conscious of it but when I’m not really listening, he probably feels it.  Hence, listening to him all around is SMART.
2. Validate what he does do –  Here’s the hard cold facts:   His idea of “helping me” is constantly loading up the washer with the kids’ laundry.  My fantasy idea of him “helping me” is him throwing the kids in the car on a Saturday at 8:00 am (without me even asking – oh how delicious) for a fun filled morning and not returning with them till lunch time.  For now, it’s just smarter for me to say “thank you” to what he is already doing and not turn into a constant complaining bitch.
3. Offer more hugs to him –  If I need and expect the hugs so badly, then why wouldn’t he?
4. Stop complaining ad nauseum about whatever –  Talking like a victim is just note sexy.  Period.
5. Accept responsibility –  Just own it rather than spending endless minutes trying to explain to him why I feel like I’m not wrong.  Basically, validate his damn feelings for pete’s sake.  Would it kill me? No…it wouldn’t.
6. Once the kids are in bed, less time on Facebook, and more time time with husband -  I know very well that actions speak louder than words to him.
7. Clean up enabling patterns from 2011 –  Ewwwww.  God dammit, I did it again this year.  Time to clean up any of “those” bad habits that sprung up again this past year.
8. Postpone serious conversations when I’ve only had 3 hours of sleep – Oh, yes.  I tripped over that one this past year and it was not pretty.  I might as well have loaded up on some hallucinogenic, agro-steroid drug and tried talking to him then.  Note to self:  Be smart and go the f*** to bed.
9. Remind myself that under his tough, alpha exterior, that he has feelings too –  Having a penis does not equal absence of feelings…quite the contrary.
10. Surrender more to the fact that it’s not my job to fix him/help him/change him, etc. –  My job is to help me.  As far as him, my job is to allow him to be in charge of his own journey and be of support when needed.  With that said, God help me…

So there you have it folks…My personal Top 10 “Wife” Resolutions for 2012.   What are YOURS?? We’d love to hear from you…write us or leave a comment below.

Also, check out my article on Women.com – Top 10 Basic Needs for Every Woman in 2012.  Enjoy and come back on Thursday for more New Year’s tips!

Sh*t.

Another year just FRIKKIN’ FLEW by…

…and so will next year.

That being said, what will YOU do to make your new “wife year” different, better, happier, healthier, stronger, more satisfying, SMARTER, etc.??

(I’ll tell you what I’m focusing on doing, but that’s one of my posts for next week…ha.)

Ladies, it’s a brand new f*cking year and the only person who can make it better is YOU, so let’s close out the year with our top BTSW posts from 2011…

…but before I do allow me to say THANK YOU to all of you who tune in here every week and who write in with your comments, questions, thoughts, feelings, etc…I appreciate each and every one of you.  Stay tuned to 2012 as “Be the Smart Wife” brings you a “whole lot-ta” new and different nuggets through out the new year!

Top 10 Posts of 2011

#1   Your husband Wants a Threesome?!?!

#2   Date Night Options for Any Couple

#3   What to do With Those Damn Feelings

#4   One Very Simple Tip to Rev Up the Sex

#5   The Difference Between Him and Her

#6   You’re beating a Dead Horse

#7   Sleep is the New SMART

#8   Don’t be the  Dummy Wife Like I Was Last Month

#9   The False Alarm D-bomb is a Big No-No

#10  Here’s How You May be Torturing Yourself in your Marriage

Posts will resume again after Jan 2nd so see you all then and HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!

“We are entering an era, finally, when both men and women can begin to understand their distinct biology and how it affects their lives. If we know how a biological brain state is guiding our impulses, we can choose how to act, or not act at all, rather than merely following our compulsions. If you’re a man, this knowledge not only can help you understand and harness your unique male brain power, but it can also help you to understand your sons, your father and the other men in your life. If you’re a woman, this book will help you to interpret and comprehend the intricacies of the male brain. With that new information, you can help your sons and husbands…It is my hope that this book will help the male brain to be seen and understood as the fine-tuned and complex instrument that it actually is.”

- Dr. Louise Brizendine, “The Male Brain”

The above writing is from the book I told you to buy for YOU as a gift this holiday season. Yes, I’m still drinking the Kool-aid with this book and you should be too, because knowing how and why your husband ticks the way he does is always always SMART.

Need I say more??

Buy the book here and enjoy some VALUABLE holiday reading:

http://www.amazon.com/Male-Brain-Louann-Brizendine-M-D/dp/0767927532

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.

- Oprah Winfrey

Your marriage will never be perfect but if you take the time to enjoy what IS good in your marriage, then I bet your glass will start looking pretty darn inviting.

Today is a good day to start filling up that glass…Be thankful for what is in the glass RIGHT NOW.

Kim, Kim , Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim…….oh dear Kim Kardashian, how I wish you had read my post from last May where even little ol’ me predicted your future (heck, it could have even saved you 10 million dollars)…

(Sigh)

Not quite sure what else to say about Ms. Kim’s recent marital break up except that I continue to shake my head at the society we live in:  Celebrities who have SO much influence over our youth who then model their impulsive decisions to the entire world.

However, to all you wives out there who were shaking with envy over Kim’s ring, well, read my article from last May and see how there is simply nothing to be envious about.  Furthermore, if you really want to be thinking SMART when it comes to your relationships and marriage, for god sake, please be careful who you choose as your role models…

What do YOU think about Kim and Kris’s current status? Feel free to write in your thoughts and reactions…

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An extra scoop for today’s post:

CASTING CALL FOR MARRIED COUPLES! FROM THE PRODUCERS OF “SUPERNANNY” AND “REAL HOUSWIVES OF NY”…

Shed Media US, the producers of ABC’s “SUPERNANNY” and “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK” is currently casting a new docu-series for a major network for married couples whose love life has gone from “sizzle” to “fizzle”! Whether it’s the kids, a career, schedules, weight issues, unresolved past issues, or just life in general, your love life has taken a back seat! The series will involve 7 days of romantic homework assignments to help couples rekindle and reconnect with the passion that brought you together in the beginning.   If you are ready to TRANSFORM your love life,  please contact Casting Producer (info below) immediately with photos, location, and your story:

Annette Ivy
Casting Producer
Shed Media US
3800 Barham Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA  90064
323-904-4680 x1208
aivy@shedmediaus.com