“We are entering an era, finally, when both men and women can begin to understand their distinct biology and how it affects their lives. If we know how a biological brain state is guiding our impulses, we can choose how to act, or not act at all, rather than merely following our compulsions. If you’re a man, this knowledge not only can help you understand and harness your unique male brain power, but it can also help you to understand your sons, your father and the other men in your life. If you’re a woman, this book will help you to interpret and comprehend the intricacies of the male brain. With that new information, you can help your sons and husbands…It is my hope that this book will help the male brain to be seen and understood as the fine-tuned and complex instrument that it actually is.”

- Dr. Louise Brizendine, “The Male Brain”

The above writing is from the book I told you to buy for YOU as a gift this holiday season. Yes, I’m still drinking the Kool-aid with this book and you should be too, because knowing how and why your husband ticks the way he does is always always SMART.

Need I say more??

Buy the book here and enjoy some VALUABLE holiday reading:

http://www.amazon.com/Male-Brain-Louann-Brizendine-M-D/dp/0767927532

Yup.

It’s THAT time.

Love it or hate it, the holidays are HERE and the last thing I want to see all you wives do is stress out unnecessarily.  That said, ParentsAsk and I put together my Top Five You Tube Do’s and Don’ts for Surviving the Holidays with your loved one.

Make sure you watch the ENTIRE playlist as there is some You Tube footage you don’t want to miss!  Enjoy…

Hmmm…let me think about that???

NO.

Yup.  That’s your answer and here’s how to say it in a calm, non-hysterical way…enjoy:

So coming off the heels of Tuesday’s post, I came across this hilarious and at the same time kind of sad animated you tube video of a wife completely beating her husband down verbally.  I think we would ALL be liars if we said that none of us ever “thought” the irrational feelings that this wife has.  However, “thinking” them is one thing…SAYING those thoughts is a whole other messy messy toxic situation. For your sake, I hope you watch the below video and initially laugh at the comedy imitating your once and a while fantasy thoughts as opposed to seeing a mirror image of perhaps yourself (yikes, THAT would not be good)…

Recently, I was reading through the comments on my YouTube videos (good comments and the ones which TOTALLY trash me…whatever – it is what it is) and I was struck by one husband’s comment  in regards to me discussing how detrimental it is to the relationship when you complain to your husband to the point of beating a dead horse.  He wrote the following:

“I wish my wife thought like you. I can’t stand feeling worthless and nothing I do is right.“

Poignant, right?

Here’s the deal: expressing your feelings is one thing, but beating your message to the point where you’re actually beating your husband down is whole other issue. It amazes me how some people just don’t hear themselves when they talk to their partner and I have witnessed many a couple in my office express themselves without owning their feelings.  Instead, they (what I like to call) verbally assassinate each other with statements such as:

• What’s wrong with you?!
• You’re just plain selfish.
• What were you thinking?!?
• You’re pathetic.
• You despise me…

…and the list goes on and on and on, etc.

Ladies, when you attack your your husband’s character, he will more than likely receive that attack as a bullet…do that enough and I’ve got comments like the above filling up my inbox. As much as I appreciate the comments from your husbands (and I really do), I’d rather he be spending his time having productive conversations with you rather than disconnecting from the marriage like a wounded animal.

So please do me a favor:  Before the day is over tell him one thing you appreciate that he does.  The icing on the cake is that you may get that appreciation in return.

OK, here’s the deal…I’m being SMART and here’s how:

My husband is gone for a MONTH on business (yes, a f***ing month), hence I am in full on airborne ranger mode with keeping the house, the kids, and my work  above water.  That said, (as I’m sure you’ve seen) I’ve had to put the pause button on the video posts until later this month.  However, my twice weekly posts will still be going up at least in written form.  Thanks for your patience and for today, check out one of my many articles from ParentsAsk.com: Is It Okay to Go to Bed Angry? Read the article to find out my thoughts about the SMARTER way to handle the situation…

So you think ya know it all, huh?

OK.

Well…

…good for you.

Um, I kind of hate to break it to you, but you know what???

You don’t.

Nope. You don’t.

Which leads me to this past month’s post, Top 10 Mistaken Beliefs a Smart Wife Must Let Go Of, and today we’re focusing on Mistaken Belief #5:  SHE KNOWS BETTER THAN HE…

When it comes to your marriage, you don’t always know better than he does.  Look, I’m SURE there are times when the obvious is SO obvious and for whatever reason your husband will never “get it” the way you do, but believe it or not there are times when he just may actually have the upper hand when it comes to a specific thought, an opinion, a perspective, etc. That said, it would behoove your marriage greatly for you to honor and respect your husband as an equal to you. Undermining him will only create a greater distance between you two, his resentment will rise, and you’ll both get caught in a viscious cycle of negativity, ultimately eroding the connection.  However, even if you ARE right in the situation, it doesn’t mean that you should be pointing out each and every “correction.”  Some things (not EVERYTHING, some things) are just better left alone. So pick your battles and BE SMART.

Come back next week for Mistaken Beliefs #6 & #7…

NEWEST YOUR TANGO VIDEO

Okay folks…so first off, let me just preface the below video by saying that the video is intended mostly for women who are dating or who are in a new phase in their life looking for the right partner and have just recently met a new person.  One person wrote in and asked what does one do if the sex is truly sub par…do you settle???

Let me ask you this…

Do you feel more connected to your husband when he talks to you like you’re a child?

Before you answer that question, take a look at  last week’s post, Top 10 Mistaken Beliefs a Smart Wife Must Let Go Of, and let’s focus on Mistaken Belief #4:  CONTROLLING ACTIONS ARE OKAY…

…which brings me back to my above question and I’m going to REALLY HOPE that your answer was ——> NO.

However, if you’re still not understanding my point, then think about how your husband would feel if the roles were reversed and you spoke to him and “handled” the relationship as if you were the “mother.”

Look, I’ve seen a plethora of teenage boys with controlling mothers in my office and trust me when I say that if they could literally erase their mother from the room, they would.  THAT is the visual I want you to hold for the next time you are unable to respect the “partnership” between you and your husband…

Controlling the marriage equals a husband who is disconnected from you.  So BE SMART and treat him as an adult because more than likely, YOU will also get the same respect in return.

Last week’s post I shared with you the Top 10 Mistaken Beliefs a Smart Wife Must Let Go Of and today I’m going to demystify Mistaken Belief #2:  HE THINKS LIKE YOU.

Mmmmmm…it’s a beautiful fantasy that he eats, sleeps, breaths and thinks like you, but guess what?

HE DOESN’T.

In fact, no one thinks EXACTLY like you.  It’s the same reason why every single baby who comes into this world has his or her own “blueprint.”  We’re ALL different and we all just want to be seen and heard as who we are individually.

Think about how you would feel if your partner criticized you for thinking like you and not like HIM…I don’t know about you, but my feeling would be, “Really motherf***er?!?  Do I even EXIST in your world??”

In all seriousness, I’ve seen many a couple  in my office where one person has said to the other, “Why would you even think like that??!?”

Ouch. I mean, really…OUCH.

Look, your husband doesn’t think the same way like you and he never will (trust me, he feels the same way about you).  You don’t have to like it but know that you are responsible for how you react to his different thinking.  Furthermore, did you ever think about trying to understand why he thinks the way he does about a particular thing, situation, topic, etc.??  If you haven’t then I strongly encourage you to take the time to understand why he ticks the way he does because IT WILL ACTUALLY MAKE YOU BOTH FEEL CLOSER.

(Yup, another way to CONNECT!)

In other words, accept the fact that he’s him and you’re you and you both think different. Period.

The goal for you is to understand his differences so that you can ultimately connect to him.  It’s OK to be different people…even in your marriage. So BE SMART and understand who he is… separate from you.

If you’re pondering how to deal with your overbearing mother who too often gives her unwanted advice about you, your husband, your marriage, your household, your sex life (ewwww and yes, I have heard several women share their “Vietnam flashbacks” about that) etc., then allow me to share with you this month’s real male quote from our WHAT MEN WANT WOMEN TO KNOW section:

“The mother in law syndrome: Although your mother was good at running your household, doesn’t mean she should run ours.”

And there ya have it, Ladies….straight, honest, and to the point.  Take his advice: It’s SMART.

To hear more of my thoughts about being smart when it comes to You, Your Husband, and Your Mother, check out THIS VIDEO from earlier this year…

CONTEST! CONTEST! CONTEST!

Don’t forget to enter this week’s CONTEST to win a free copy of Jenna McCarthy’s new  book, “If It Was Easy They’d Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living With and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married.”

Check out Jenna’s hilarious book trailer and order her book NOW!

Also, check out Jenna’s interview on the TODAY show where she talks about this genius book.