Introducing our new Q & A posts, answered by yours truly…see below:
Dear Carin,
On the rare nights that I come home late from work, my husband is the one who takes care of dinner. Yet, I always come home to a sink full of dirty dishes . When I’m home before him, I always clean up my mess in the sink…how would he feel if I left a mess for him? How do I get him to wake up and simply clean up his dishes???
Sincerely, Fet up Wife
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Dear Fet up Wife,
Good question and the answer is simple: ask him to clean up his mess!
It amazes me how many women expect their husband to read their mind and therefore do not get their most simple needs. If you think, “He should know better!! Why do I even have to say anything?!” then that will only make you the martyr. So if you want him to know what you need, the first step is to make sure you’re verbally putting it out there.
However, if you’re asking and asking and he’s still not acknowledging your simple request, then it’s time to take out the bigger guns, but do it appropriately. Statements such as, “WTF is wrong with you?!?” is not what I’m suggesting. Instead, try this: “I feel really angry that every time I ask you to please clean up your dishes, you don’t. Your choice to dismiss my simple request is sending the message that my needs don’t matter. How would you feel if the tables were reversed??”
And then saying nothing. Make space for him to take in your words and don’t apologize for your feelings. Be direct and keep it simple.
So start there and see where it goes. At the very least, it’s a smart start.
image via www.freewebs.com
Have a question for Carin? Write in and your question will be answered in one of our Dear Carin posts or in our newly revised monthly newsletter (coming to you this week):
Tuesdays post was 6 Signs Your Husband Acts Like a Bully where #6 was:
He Suffers from Lawyer Syndrome.
So what is Lawyer Syndrome and how should you deal with it??
Well today’s video will give you that answer….take a look:
I know a lot of women whose husbands’ alpha male wiring goes to a whole other level: LOTS of bravado and narcissism. Unfortunately, many of these wives are in denial of their husband’s behavior because (for whatever reason) they don’t want to confront the issue. That said, here are 6 clues that your partner may be acting more bully than just alpha:
1) Blames you for situations that are not your responsibility – For example, when the dishwasher breaks, he immediately attacks and assumes you’re at fault by saying: ”What did you do to the dishwasher?!?”
2) Talks down to you like you are a child – Makes condescending/punitive comments to you such as: “I want you to think more about…” or “You need to use better judgment about…” He doesn’t speak to you as an equal.
3) Uses an intimidating tone to others when asking for help - Let’s say you’re at a restaurant with your husband where his food is served too cold. In an attacking tone he demands that the waiter take back his food as if the waiter instructed the chef to ruin his meal. Responds to the others as if everyone is out to get him.
4) Tends to make fun of other children even though he says he’s just “playing with them” – Your husband may like to think he’s just “playing” with the neighborhood kids but when he makes unsolicited comments to little Billy like: “Hey Billy, do you throw your ball like a boy or a girl?!?”
You can be sure that Billy won’t be feeling too good about himself on his walk home.
5) Criticizes your character and possibly even your children - When expressing his frustrations, he doesn’t say: “When I constantly ask you to put my car keys back where they belong and you don’t, I’m feel more and more angry that you’re not hearing me.” Instead, he exclaims: “What the hell is wrong with you? Can’t you do anything right?!?”
6) He Suffers from “Lawyer Syndrome” – So what is Lawyer Syndrome anyway?
Come back Thursday for my latest video where I explain to you what it is and how to handle it…see you then!
image via blogs.smarter.com
“Money Talk” is one of the most difficult topics for couples to discuss in a marriage – - sometimes even more difficult than talking about sex (yes, believe it).
If you’re a wife who no longer wants to be in the dark about how your husband manages the finances, then here’s how to broach the topic:
Remember ladies: Be brave, be smart and express your needs when it comes to knowing about your finances!
Come back next Tuesday for more smart wife tips!
image via thestylegloss.com
Okay. I admit it…
I have a huge girl crush and her name is…Gwyneth Paltrow.
Yes, it’s true and for any of you who may be rolling your eyes right now read this:
SHE’S F*CKING SMART.
Yup, she’s one smart cookie and so is her very mindful lifestyle blog, GOOP — especially the posts pertaining to relationships, parenting, and health. I was struck by her most recent post titled Co-Committed where she talks about the book Conscious Loving and how greatly the book has impacted her life when it comes to her relationships.
Coincidentally, I am looking at the book right now sitting on my office shelf and let me tell you:
The book is f*cking smart.
So be smart and check out Gwyneth’s Conscious Loving post and/or buy the book HERE.
Come back Thursday for more smart wife tips…
Flirting With Disaster is more than just a genius comedy starring Ben Stiller…it may also be exactly what you are doing right now on Facebook and could potentially lead to this marital disaster:
For those of you who feel that the world is too complicated, thus you fantasize about living the life of a “50’s housewife,” allow me to enlighten you about how the wives of 1955 were given the ultimate not smart compass. Read below and excuse me while I go vomit…
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc., and then run a dust cloth over the tables. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first — remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his very real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. A good wife always knows her place.
Ummm…if you any of you are using the above as your “wife template,” please (I BEG of you) start re-reading and re-viewing my blog posts starting from the first post and continue on.
Oh and by the way, please remember: slavery ended a long time ago…
Let’s face it: We all go through slumps when it comes to our bodies and believe it or not, so does your husband. However, if his lack of attention to his body is affecting your attraction to him, then it may be time to gently bring his “slump” to his attention. Here’s how to talk to him…
One of the the biggest differences between myself and my husband is how concrete he hears things while I hear things with more of the colors in between.
You know how it goes: He says tomato…I say to-maw-toe.
So…know that you’re not alone as we ALL suffer the painful language barrier between male and female in our marriages. However, through pain there is often glimpses of humor: Below is a little story sent to me by my dear Aunt Carol who has always helped me keep the male and female language barrier in perspective via humor (oh, and via vodka too – cheers auntie)…
Milk and Eggs
A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk,
and if they have eggs, get 6.”
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”
He replied, “They had eggs.”
…and “concrete” at it’s best:
image via thebettyfactor.com
You’ve heard me rant ad nauseum about how important sleep and sex is for your well being so today I lay down the gauntlet…
Here is a must read article from my friends at Your Tango: 5 WAYS BETTER SLEEP LEADS TO BETTER SEX.
Enough said.
Be smart and just read it.
image via http://bizeebodi.blogspot.com
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