4 Ways to Have Peace in Your Marriage

peaceful marriage

Now that it’s the new year most of you may be attempting to fix yourself and your relationships from top to bottom.  If this is you, then stop.  Please stop, because you are basically setting yourself up for failure.  Instead you have to break it down. Start by identifying specific behaviors of yours that are worth adjusting in order to bring more harmony to yourself and to your marriage.  However, if you’re at a all wondering what some of those might be for you, allow me to share with you some common ones which are definitely 4 ways to have peace in your marriage:

1)  Drama – creating it

2)  Obsessing

3) Manipulating

4)  Avoiding

The best way:  DOMA

(Yes, it sounds like a cliche name for a coffee shop somewhere in Seattle, but at least you’ll remember it easily)

Drama – Just the word itself reeks of drama and yet we’ve all probably indulged in it more than we would like to admit (yes – I surrender).  However, it doesn’t belong in an adult relationship. Drama is more appropriate for the 3 year old who is having a tantrum on the kitchen floor with snot running down his or her nose.  So if you furiously hang up the phone on your husband because he nervously laughed at you whining to him (note: whining, not talking) about why you feel he doesn’t care about you isn’t exactly the way to jump start an adult conversation.  So like the runny nose 3 year old throwing their toys all over the floor, you too are creating  mess when you invite the drama.

Obsessing –  Talk about a cost effective way to numb out and escape!  However, it will cost you your own ability to take care of yourself and those around you.  When you obsess, you disconnect and when you are disconnected from yourself, you’re in major trouble. Here’s a visual for you:  Think of a computer cord being pulled out of the wall.  Well, that’s basically you when you disconnect from yourself and the world around you.  Obsessing is like a drug – it’s a quick fix way to avoid what ever is intolerable for you in the moment.  So here’s a tip:  When you notice yourself obsessing, think about that unplugged computer that simply can not work.

Manipulation – Oh come on, we’re women – we created the word.  However, that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing.  Certain kinds of “manipulation” are healthy such as a chess game or even trying to coax your Velcro child from letting go of your leg while trying to leave their classroom.  Yet, trying to convince your husband that your sex life with him will improve  if he agrees to hire a live in masseuse, is just not the way to be straight up about your most desired splurge.

Avoiding – Last I heard, walking through life with a blindfold on didn’t exactly end happily ever Disney after.  So whether it be a blown out argument with your husband, a rupture with a friend, fear about your future, denial about your addiction, etc., avoiding will only cause you and your relationship a big, smelly, messy, pile of drama.

So there you have it:  4 very very common  relationship pitfalls to watch out for and if there is a memory lapse at all,  remember my tragically cliche sounding coffee shop, DOMA.

Wishing you all a peaceful, healthy and non-perfect accepting new year.

 

 

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