How to Fix a Fight With Your Husband

Fighting Couple

 

I cannot begin to tell you how may times I have a wife and/or a husband in my office looking confused and lost as to how to fix a fight that just blew up between them.  Now is it true that angry words can be damaging?  Absolutely.  However, it doesn’t mean that the damage is “done” and that there is no turning back.  As I’ve written before, nothing in life is black and white – especially in your marriage.

That said, the answer to how to fix a fight is one simple word:

Repair.

What so many, many couples don’t realize is that there is always room to repair even after angry words have been thrown at each other.  So here is what the repair might look like:

Let’s say you said something to your husband which was critical, attacking and dare I say cruel.  At this point your husband is probably feeling furious to the point where for the next 2 days he acts as if you don’t even exist.  Unfortunately this where most couples sadly and unknowingly dig their relationship into a deeper, darker hole as both members of the couple pretend that the verbal smack down never happened.  This is what is called a toxic rupture.  Yes…those two words that are like poison for your marriage.

If your marriage or relationship has ongoing ruptures, followed by avoidance of discussing what just happened between you two, then those ruptures will forever chip away at the foundation of the relationship.  

So now let’s go back to how you spoke to your partner…

Did you regress into your own childlike emotional state when you yelled at him:  You’re useless!  What did I even marry you?!

Yes.  In fact, you regressed with flying colors, but look — you’re human and we all make mistakes.  So rather than beat yourself up, look at why you said what you said:  What were the feelings underneath it all?  Were you feeling angry?  Sad? Scared? Alone?  You need to find out what was really going on inside of you and hightail it back to your partner and say:

“Hey – It wasn’t okay for me to completely chew you out about the kids’ mess I came home to.  It was my own frustration of feeling the weight of the household responsibilities these days and next time I’ll ask for help rather than flipping out on you the way I did…I’m really sorry.”

Ta-daaa…

You have now made a repair — it’s simple, necessary, and undoubtedly smart.

 

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