How to Get Your Husband to Give You What You Want

It’s four days post Mother’s Day and the comments from my frustrated female patients have been rolling into my office all week:

“Mother’s Day was anything but Mother’s Day.”

“He did nothing for me.”

“All I got was a card while all my other mommy friends got breakfast in bed.”

“Even just a card would have sufficed!”

“I wish he would just get it!”

“I hate him.”


So what’s a wife to do??

Well — here are my 2 questions for you:

1) Did you tell him what you want??

As much as we would all love love love for our husbands to symbiotically read our minds, the fact of the matter is…he can’t.  He can’t, he can’t, he can’t and the sooner you accept that, the easier it will be for you to simply hand him the “recipe” so that he can deliver the “meal.”   The harder you fight the reality of his non psychic powers, the more you will feel dissatisfied, unappreciated and resentful.

Furthermore:  never assume.  More than not, assumptions lead to conflict.  That’s not to say that sometimes your assumption might be correct, but why take the chance?  Knowing that you are making assumptions about what your husband should and/or could do for you is basically testing him.

That said, if you’re going to put him to the test, prepare for him to possibly fail. Hmmm…that smells like hot mess on the horizon.

2) Did you tell him what you want, but he still didn’t do it??

If your answer is yes, then let’s be honest:  you’re not just disappointed – you’re hurt.  In fact you’re probably at the point where you want to throw a shoe at him and scream: “What the f*@& is wrong with you??!!”

If that’s how you’re feeling, I get it…but put your shoe down.

What I suggest you do is be honest and straight up (but without having a tantrum).  Don’t get into a long, dramatic soliloquy about the blood, sweat and tears that drip off of your aching body every day as you sacrifice your soul in order to keep the family ship afloat.  Instead, just say it straight: “I feel really sad and hurt about Mother’s Day because I couldn’t have been more specific about what I wanted that day.  I really hope you hear me the next time I communicate what I want.”

And that’s it.  There’s nothing else to say. 

However, if  he has 10 different excuses as to why he couldn’t do XYZ, then your simple response is: I‘m not looking for excuses — I’m telling you how I feel.

And again…that’s it.  If he’s overwhelmed with guilt, anger, frustration, etc. then be smart and let him sit with his feelings and give him the space to think about it all.  Hopefully, he might be able to think about how to give you what you want the next time around.


2 comments on “How to Get Your Husband to Give You What You Want

  1. Great advice as usual!

  2. Carin Goldstein on said:

    Thanks Kay!!

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