5 Steps to Reinventing Yourself
Two weeks ago I posted 3 Steps to Rid You of Jealous Wife Syndrome where one of the steps was about carving out your own identity separate from your marriage. Right about now, you’re probably asking: How the hell do I even figure out what that is??!
I’m glad you asked, because here is where you can start:
1) LISTEN TO YOUR GUT – If you are one of those women who have always focused on being “the wife” and/or “the mom”, but secretly you second guess if you’ve loved it as much as you thought you would or should…then stop the thoughts. Turn off the guilt/critical voice and know that nothing in life is black and white. Understand that maybe you are genuinely craving something more at this stage in your life emotionally, mentally, and/or intellectually. The women who have the most balance in their lives (and balance is different for every individual) know how to feed their individual self and also give themselves permission to enjoy the domestic part of their life as well.
2) COMMIT TO STEPPING FORWARD – After taking the time to listen to your gut, commit to the process and make yourself accountable to take action. If have no idea what that “next role” is, simply carve out a consistent block of hours every week to help you figure out what that idea might be. Journal, write, research ideas, etc. Utilizing those blocks of hours in any way to help you get into a creative flow without distractions will help you connect to that fire in you. However, it is key that you make that consistent appointment with yourself and stick to it! Fear, doubt and procrastination can easily rear its ugly head if you don’t discipline yourself to make this change.
3) EDUCATE YOURSELF - Once you have connected to even a general direction of how you might want to pursue this new journey, then it’s time to investigate. Knowledge is invaluable and figuring out how to further execute your ideas will only happen by seeking key information. Talk to successful people in the field you find of most interest. Interview them or better yet brainstorm with them about what you find interesting and how you may be able to make it your own niche. For example, if starting a new on-line service for other moms is something that excites you, then talk to others who are doing something similar to find out how they started. Find out from them what is a must as far as how you spend your time and how not to spend your time. Be a hungry detective as far as gathering the knowledge you need and don’t be afraid to ask people for information and/or support.
4) FIND A MENTOR AND/OR A SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY – Being your own advocate is imperative, but also having a mentor who is actually doing what you aspire to do gives one a sense of inspiration, guidance and hope. Furthermore, surrounding you with others who are of the similar field, profession, etc. will provide a sense of belonging and connection and will surely help you in the self-confidence department when the going gets tough.
5) OWN IT – Once you have landed on a chosen path, own it and keep your eye on the end goal. In other words, consider this as your new baby, which will take time to develop and mature as your journey will always be shaping and taking different unexpected turns along the way. Continue growing your supportive community and be patient as any new project or venture can sometimes take a year to 18 months before you really see the fruit of your labor. Most importantly, don’t allow other people’s doubts (even friends or family) to spoil your vision. Believe in yourself and own it.
Obviously the above 5 steps are easier said than done. The hard part will be disciplining yourself to trust the process even when it feels like the odds are against you. Remember that your gut feeling spoke to you for a reason and you appropriately chose to take action. Be persistent, have faith and take the leap…you’re beyond worth it.