The Essential Ingredient in Your Marriage

If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.”

-      Maya Angelou

Today’s post is not just for wives.  It’s for anyone and everyone: husbands, wives, men, women, mothers, fathers, friends, teachers, etc.  If I were to choose one word to describe the above quote I would pick COMPASSION…

Compassion is having empathy toward another and empathy is being able to truly put yourself in someone else’s shoes and at least attempt to understand that person.  Without compassion, your relationship will dissolve.  When you or your partner is feeling deprived of receiving compassion from the other, one may be left feeling resentful, angry, and ultimately feeling indifferent toward the partner and the relationship – not a smart recipe, huh?

After the infamous media circus divorce between Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, Jennifer gave her first post divorce interview with Vanity Fair and was quoted in the magazine saying about Brad:  “There’s a sensitivity chip that’s missing.”When a sensitivity chip (as Jennifer calls it)  is missing in a person, how can he or she truly connect with his or her partner in a meaningful, intimate way?  In my opinion the answer to that is little to none –  Human beings innately have a need to be seen and heard, therefore it may only be a matter of time for two people in a marriage to slowly drift apart when compassion is nowhere to be found.

So if you’re reading this and thinking, “Holy crap. Could I be one of those non-compassionate people she’s talking about?” then let me ask you this:

When your partner, spouse, friend, lover, son, daughter, etc. is expressing a painful feeling or emotion in response to something in the marriage or in another area of his or her life, what’s the initial reaction you have? If your knee jerk reaction is to always feel intolerant, repelled, and needing to create distance between you and your loved one, well then that’s a big flashing red light saying: STOP and look at what’s going on inside of you.  In that moment, you’re certainly NOT feeling compassion toward the other person.  Furthermore, allowing your lack of sensitivity to be in the driver’s seat is like pouring a toxic poison into the relationship.

So BE SMART and take a look at how YOUR internal make-up may be effecting not only you, but effecting the livelihood of your marriage.  Yes…it’s time to look within and to understand if and why the “compassion” chip is missing within you.

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